"Love is a hog that burns at the first light of reality” –Charles Bukowski
Alright ladies and gents, I have decided I am cursed, doomed to spend my days and nights alone with my buzzer. It has happened again. I have the world’s biggest crush on a beard and he is leaving. Here lies the curse, is every beard I find myself falling for going to be unattainable?
For the past couple of months I have been spending a lot of my time with one special bearded babe. He is brilliant, funny, and right away I felt comfortable with him. Every moment I spend with him makes my heartbeat fast and it’s nice to know that I can still feel that way. He scares me and for good reason. Just as I feel like I can let go and just be with someone for awhile he informs me that he will be moving 2800 miles away. I am pretending not to have invested as much as I have and I am trying to tell myself that I will be ok. Truth is it’s killing me, so much in fact that I threw myself into a four day whiskey binge. I’m not sure what hurts more that he is leaving or that I kind of expected something like this to happen. You see for me relationships don’t come easy. My love stories are not those of Nicholas Sparks, there are no grand gestures. My love stories read like a Bukowski poem; a lot of heartache, whiskey, and loss. I wish just for once there would be something that makes me think all of this is worth it. A little glimmer of hope that it will be ok and one day there will be a beard that stays.
So the lovesick routine starts again; Time to build these walls with a thicker stone, play Ryan Adams really loud, and give up on beards. I need to clear my head of unrealistic expectations. I would like to believe in the grand gesture and that one day I will meet someone who will surprise me. Unfortunately in my experience the grand gesture is often replaced with a grand let down and I just don’t have enough heart to go through it again. The good news is my buzzer, books, porno, and comics will be getting a lot of attention in the upcoming months! I know they have missed me. Tomorrow we talk sexual! I have been researching sex addiction for you beautiful darlings and I think you will be very interested in my findings!
Lots of Love and Kisses,
Stella James the Heartbreak Kid
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