Single Sally vs. The World
Presley James
“The number of single people is growing everyday, making modern psychologists question the need for a serious relationship between men and women”
I’ve been sitting here thinking about why the word “single” is so scary to all of you out there in Relationshipville. It’s like we are a plague that you’re scared to catch. Well guess what, the only thing I’m going to give you and your boo is the truth.
I think those who are most scared of single Sally are all the men out there. Mostly the relationship guys; we have all lost many friends to them. When they first come around you are their best friend or their ticket to the cave of wonders. Who doesn’t want to know that their new bf can hang with the ladies. After they are in it’s like they start to get uncomfortable with the fact that they’re new love has a single bff. This is where things go bad. First they start to fix you up with every single douche bag they know. As if you didn’t have a list full of them in your little black book. Now if this doesn’t work you best believe you’ll start to see a lot less of your former friend Whorie Lori. Her man won and she is now bating on their team. You’ll be lucky to get a ladies night once a month. What is it about “ladies night” that is so intimidating? Let me tell you just because we are single doesn’t mean we are bringing our coupled up girlfriends out to hit on men. There’s already enough competition out there. I will be the first person to throw that bitch under the bus with a quick “you should probably call your boyfriend and check in” while the new meat are introducing themselves. So men don’t be scared that we are going to bring your ladies back over to the dark side. We are happy that she is happy and ecstatic that she is no longer our competition.
Now to the former friend, we are not jealous of your newfound love, but extremely happy for you as long as you can still hold a conversation with us without dry humping your new boyfriend in the middle of the bar. Dry humping at the bar should be reserved for blackout states and 21 year olds. I was not always a single. I was once in your ballet flats, married with children and if I didn’t have my single friends to live vicariously through I don’t think I would have made it 7 years. So don’t be upset I traded in my keds for stilettos. You know what else I’m sick of, the pity look I get every time I say I’m single. If people aren’t scared or threatened by you then most likely they pity you. I mean how could a girl my age be happy and single; don’t you want to find Mr. Right? The answer is no, I want to find Mr. Right now. I’m so sick of men being painted out to be these handsome bachelors and women are seen as old sphincters begging to get married. It’s not even women who prefer to be in a relationship, its men. There are many studies about this topic and all coming to the conclusion that men are most unhappy when single. I’m not saying that I don’t want to find my very own Romeo, just that I can be happy without him too. Welcome to 2010 where women can bang like men and walk around on their Louboutin’s with their heads held high. With that being said, can you please cut Single Sally some slack, we’re not that bad. Thanks for listening world!
Love,
Presley xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment