Stella James

Every Three Days

Stella James

Can I just say that I hate dating? I am 100% certain I hate it because I am so bad at it. There is no real middle ground with me. I am either committed or banging you and any other beard that comes my way. Let me re-phrase that, safely banging you and any other beard that comes my way. There are so many rules that apply to dating. Call after four days, but text after two. Only hangout every three days, but you can hangout for two consecutive days after you wait that initial three days. Never write on his Facestalk wall, but you can “like” his status updates.

I mean really who remembers all this shit. It’s like information overload and in the end just freaks me out. I am no good at playing games with the beards I date. There has been one beard that I have been interested in since Koenig. He is fucking kick ass and passed my very strict checklist:

1. Beard

2. Tall

3. Funny

4. Smart

5. Well Endowed

Seems like an easy enough checklists to pass; turns out it’s not for most of the tool bags I run into. Anyway he has all five attributes that make a man a man in my eyes. Minus a few whiskey slips on my part we have a pretty good time together. Here is where things get weird for me. Am I supposed to give up my sideliners now? I have no need to label myself his girlfriend, I am content with hanging out and seeing what happens. It’s just that sometimes I question his loyalty. Lord knows I don’t want to be at home alone on a Monday night because he hasn’t called. Sure I think he is working but in all actuality he could be out banging some other girl. I should have the same rights. I mean what we don’t know won’t hurt us right? The thing is that I have grown a little attached to this beard and I don’t even enjoy flirting with let alone banging other beards. This asshole tricked me into liking him and now I want to know where we stand. Is there a non-needy way to say, “Should we just bang each other?” I don’t think there is. So now I will just sit here wondering what to do; Fucking dating man. The good news is I am in the Valley this week so I can be distracted by porn and work.

Kiss Kiss Darlings,

Stella Confucius James