Stella Fakes It

I'm a Fake

Stella James

I know it has been awhile since I have written anything, but I have been in such a weird funk. As you know my bearded friend moved to NYC and I think he took my will to think, talk, and yes even write about banging or love. Every night since he has been gone I come to my bedroom, grab my laptop, and then stare at the blank word document in front of me. I have decided to do what a lot of women do and fake it tonight. Tonight I am going to put my wounded heart to the side and fake a little sexy time writing about orgasms for you darlings. Dudes, this one is special for you because I am going to let out all the secrets! After reading this you will know when you are banging a faker.

Like any peson trying to fake being a good writer the first thing I did was research. Since my bearded New Yorker has come and gone I was forced to do research on my own. Well not exactly on my own, my new boyfriend Buzz Brookstone was a big help. I thought before informing you on the difference between an O face and a yawn I should explain how an orgasm feels for us ladies. Let me start by saying this was such an interesting way to go into buzzing it out. Instead of putting on porno I decided to buzz it to my imagination. I usually go straight for the porno so I can buzz it and be done with it, but this was not a race. This was research. I am not going to go into the details of the buzzing material, *cough bearded New Yorker, but I will tell you that I was very aware of every feeling in my body leading up to one of the best orgasms Buzz and I have ever had together. There is so much build up to the female orgasm and those final moments before cumming are all too amazing. It’s like little cheerleading O’s routing your star quarterback O until he scores a touchdown. I’m not sure if this is common in all ladies but a lot of my orgasms last well after buzzing, licking, or penetrating as ceased. It’s almost like I force myself to basque in the glory of it. It really is quite a beautiful feeling.

Alright dudes, now you have an idea of how glorious an orgasm can feel for us and since MOST ladies in the world don’t ejaculate all over you as an indication that they finished, I am going to give you a few hints to help you know when your babe is faking it.

There are a few types of fakers in the world of O’s.

The Screamer

Just because she is screaming doesn’t mean she is faking. Some women are just loud. I am one of them. The ladies I am talking about start screaming in ecstasy upon two seconds of penetration. Most likely you are someone she has slept with before and she knows there isn’t going to be a magical finish for her. These broads come from a very nurturing place, one that I may never understand. Instead of telling you to get lost, she will try and salvage a horrible sex life for the promise of a beautiful love life. She screams upon the first second of penetration because she wants to help you finish faster. The faster you finish the faster she can project her feelings of the future on to you. She doesn’t mind not finishing if you don’t mind spooning her for hours on end. Not my cup of tea, but to each their own right?

The Acrobat

This babe is constantly switching positions. She likes it from the front, back, side, you name it she’s doing it. I have news for you, it’s not because she thinks she is auditioning for Zumanity in Vegas. She knows your technique isn’t cutting it and she is trying to take matters into her own hands. This can be tricky because sometimes she might find a position that takes her to the promise land and then you have nothing to worry about. I would suggest worrying if after trying every position she settles with something that doesn’t involve eye contact. No eye contact usually means there is no finish. You guys need to remember that eye contact with your partner is crucial. I don’t care what position I am in you better believe that when I'm cumming I am making eye contact at some point. It’s just as important as spanking, spiting, and choking in my book. I don’t mind this type of faker. At least you are both trying, sometimes people just aren’t meant to bang each other.

The Dead Fish

This broad may have issues of her own and may just be bad in bed. She is the worst faker in my eyes and should do us all a favor and quit the sex. She lays on her back or stomach for the entire duration of your fornication. Then right towards the end she busts out the dirty talk. I hate to say it but it’s not because you brought this one back to life. It’s because she isn’t going to finish and wants to roll over like the lazy walrus she is and go to sleep. I have a problem with this type of broad because I think achieving an orgasm should be a partnership. You can’t count on just one person to take you to funky town. You need to get in there and handle your business. Don’t let her slink out of her end of the deal. She knows what gets her off and if you need a little re-direction she should give it to you. My number one goal when banging is to achieve an orgasm and I will do anything in my power to do so. There is no faking in my bed, either you’re getting it or you’re not. Either way, I will be sure to let you know.

I hope I haven’t discouraged you handsome boys, you should know there are exceptions to every rule. If your girl is flushed and screaming that she is cummng believe her and kudos to you for getting after that! If her orgasm seems a little too staged, it’s probably because it is, you know the difference. Try not to over think it, it’s just banging. With that being said, I think I will return to my sad sexless life. It has been fun faking sexy time writing with you darlings, till next time.

Kiss Kiss,

Sex Free Stella :(