Vegas: The Furthest Thing From Love

Vegas: The Furthest Thing from Love
Stella James


Presley, TJ, and I are headed to Las Vegas this Saturday. It is a much needed vacation for all of us. Not really because we work to hard but mostly because everywhere we turn people are professing their undying love for each other. I can’t remember the last time I was able to sign in to www.Facestalk.com without seeing a status update about love. Don’t get me wrong people, I am all for you finding love and changing your status to in a relationship with blah blah blah. I’ll be honest with you I was pretty excited to change my relationship status with Koenig too. Sometimes I think I want to be back on your team. Then I remember what it feels like when you fall out of love and have to change that status back to single. Such defeat, it’s like getting punched in the ovaries. It begs the question of why we even bother in the first place. It’s much easier for me to keep love at a distance and head to the furthest thing from love for the weekend… VEGAS! Oh Vegas, the place where single Stella can let her hair down and make some bad decisions. It’s time to forget about the dudes with beards I have been pining over in Orange County and give the beards in Las Vegas a chance. With that being said I would like to remind you darlings of the top ten must have items for a Vegas vacation.

1. Your ID: I don’t care if it’s fake just make sure you have one. Also, make sure you don’t lose it in a stranger’s pants the first night. The last night maybe but definitely not the first.

2. Condoms: Don’t be a retard, wrap that shit up. I mean this is Vegas, let’s not pretend you aren’t going to wake up in someone else’s hotel room. Sometimes you are lucky enough to wake up on an air mattress with a local. Just make sure the bed isn’t the only rubber you got to experience that night.

3. Water and Gatorade: I’m sure this isn’t your first rodeo. HYDRATION is crucial in Vegas and unless you want to pay $13 bucks for a bottle of water in your hotel room think ahead and bring your own shit.

4. Sunglasses: Vegas shades have multiple uses. I pack multiple pairs. You need a pair to bring to the pool. They should match your swimsuit and for me just like my men the bigger the better. The second pair I bring in my purse to take to the club. Vegas is crazy and you never what time you are going to walk out of a casino or if you are lucky enough the nudie bar. Always have a spare pair of shades to save you from that beautiful desert sun.

5. Toothbrush: I suggest bringing a toothbrush for your hotel room as well as a travel toothbrush. Nothing kills morning sex faster than stale whiskey breath.

6. Cash: If you don’t know to bring cash to Vegas then maybe your pansy ass shouldn’t go. Do you know how much they charge you to withdrawal cash from a casino ATM? It is a pretty penny and you should be saving all your pretty pennies to buy me and my scantily clad friend’s drinks.

7. Tunes: Good Vegas tunes for a day/night out are essential. I suggest stuff that makes you want to shake it and break it. Feel Me Flow by Naughty by Nature will get pumped to hit the pool and make bad decisions with strangers in swimsuits. At night the best CRUE album ever Shout at the Devil is a must! Turn it up loud and get sleazy. Oh and if you look like Nikki Sixx I am staying at The Palms room 2341.

8. Sunscreen: Kind of boring but a must! There is nothing sexy about a tomato that has been sitting in the sun too long. Am I right or am I right?

9. An Identification Bracelet: This is really just for me. I tend to stray from the group, lose my cell phone, and room key. I have decided this trip I am going to wear an ID bracelet to avoid these instances. “This is Stella James if found please return to Presley or TJ at The Palms room 2341”

10. Party Pants: Stop being a pussy this is Vegas baby! You better bring you’re A-Game!!! Leave that B-Game at home with your significant other.



Alright then darlings, you have my must have Vegas list. Use it, and meet me and the ladies at Wet Republic. We are sure to be a goodtime!